she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
