Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My ass is underappreciated
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
