and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
