i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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