haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
