every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
