i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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