This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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