making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
