..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
