She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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