Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
