And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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