I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize