i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
