I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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