The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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