tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
