Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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