She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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