Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
tell me about the eggs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
