I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
