Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
