Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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