Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
