god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize