I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
