i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
