haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
