SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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