yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
