Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
