i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
