I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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