I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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