Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
