I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
