Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
