And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
