Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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