then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
