I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
