Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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