yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
