Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
