i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
