The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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