She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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