We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
