This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
