I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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