I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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