even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
