Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if only i could text you this smell
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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