i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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