my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
