So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
