i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
