Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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