you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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