Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
