End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
