defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
