i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
