you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
