also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found puke in my bra..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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