Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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