I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
