his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
