like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
