I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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