True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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