i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
