Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
