Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
