one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
