I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
