Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
