sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
