Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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