Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
