He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
