dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
