hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
