Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
