Say something about gay babies.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
