I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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