let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
