remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
