I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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