I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
