Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
