so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
