Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
