I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
