no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
