omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize