i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
