Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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