This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I came so hard my ears popped.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
