i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
