Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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