I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
