hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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