My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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