Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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